I'm a bucket of nerves. What were once my long grown out nails are now a short stubby mess. I was cleared by my Disability insurance to be out of work until December 22nd. So I'll be heading back on Tuesday. Sounds great and all, but we have bills to pay and the holidays always add that extra added stress. I also feel like I need to be somewhat apart of the land of the living. I'll still be working from home. That part I really can't change now. With the palsy and how light makes my eye water non stop..I need control of my enviroment. I can't be under bright lights at work or I get the worlds worst migraine.
The past month has been insane Colton has been all sorts of sick...ear infection, UTI, pink eye and several colds...oh and a bad cough. I've caught most of these illnesses from him. So that's been draining.
I guess returning to work on Tuesday will be a new chapter in a sense. I've been through a lot this last year. I've learned a lot about me and my strength and even learned about some people I surround myself with.
I was looking at my wedding pictures the other day and told my best friend that that day was the last day I think I have felt care and stress free. I wasn't a stressed out bride wanting everything to be perfect. I wasn't trying to out do anyone. I didn't want to impress anyone. I didn't care if it was going to rain. I wasn't a diva. The day was about me and Mark and the start of our lives together. I wanted to just be surrounded by the ones we love (looking back though there are some people that I wouldn't of had there though.). I want to feel stress and care free again... Even if it's for a day!
Between me and Colton's medical issues I constantly feel worried. Colton has been cleared for appointments until next summer! Now I just need to get through my 6 month post op and I'll feel a little better. We go back out to California for a couple days. We land and then I have to be at the hospital for a procedure called an angiogram at 645am. Then after that for about 6 hours I have to lay flat on my back. The day after that I have a 3-4 hour neuro psych test and an hour long MRI/MRA. Then after all that torture I am looking forward to seeing my west coast family. Then on Monday I meet with the amazing Dr Steinberg and then we race to the airport to catch a plane back home.
Hopefully after that day I can be somewhat stress free again. I will update after that appointment, but please keep me In your prayers this week. I really am nervous about working again. My brain still messes up a lot.